UNTITLED

I was outside last night, walking in the rain and thinking of you
The mist drizzled, feeling fresh and smelling sweet
then it began to pour...
I stood, arms outstretched, imagining you were standing beside me
and the rain came down
sweet drips hit my shoulders, wetting my skin
cold drops ran dwon my arms, onto my fingertips
as I raised them to my lips, to taste the sweet fresh moisture
I wished it were you I was tasting
wet drops fell on my head, soaking my hair
gentle drops down my neck, so slowly down my back
heavy drops hit upon my neck, stinging my skin
holding myself so tight
I wished it were you I was holding
I was outside last night, walking in the rain and thinking of you
I pictured your face, your eyes and I smiled
I stood arms outstretched, imagining you were standing beside me

MOMENT

Took a walk this morning
The sun was just to rise
Just to breath some morning air
and comfort my morning eyes
Saw a bird perched alone
Sang a song so sweet
It made way through my saddened eyes
Made peace with my saddened mind
in the distance stray dogs howl
and the stray cats cry
beyond that the day begins to live
and night begins to die
Fog like white silk strips
looms a top the trees
Until ever so gently
It's carried away with the morning breeze
And like the fog being carried away
This moment was never meant to stay

SERENTIY OF MIND

like a black moon in a white night
with black beams of black moon light
piercing through the whiteness of the blackest day
I am like the blackest moon
in the whitest way

JEALOUSY

Jealousy is a curse they say
and yes, i know it
but how does knowing that help
in the silent hours
when you're left alone to compare
how much you don't have
and how much they do
when all around are contented people
with everything good
and nothing to fear
who point and laugh
or stare and pity
and what do you do
when the anger burns inside
so violently
or when the tiredness
engulfs you
overpowering you in its strength
when you've lost the will to fight
and nothing's left
but the blinding hate
or those; who have it all
of you; who has nothing

PEACE IN GREY

So what
so what if I'm standing here amidst my past.
standing still, and falling fast.
so what
so what if I stand on edge, Black and White
tracking Grey footsteps on both sides.
so what
so what, does this mean?
don't know, really
SO WHAT
so what if one day I'ld like to stand outside these walls,
amongst the warm sunlight and tweeting birds, and lush green vegetation,
and scream to everybody,...
SO WHAT
so FUCKING what that you have this such marvelous life?!!
so what?
,... .... no, no,..this is not what I'm trying to say, actually,
I don't know what I'm trying to say,
I guess I'm happy for Everybody, Happy for everybody,
just so DAMNED happy for everybody.
everybody ELSE,...
so what
so what about me?
no, no, there I go again
I mean it really is cool that everybody is happy except me,
I mean what keeps me from being happy?
there is no excuse really,...
so what so what am I worried about?
well here it is, Black and White
just don't Don't turn to Black when white's to bright
SO WHAT,.. am I waiting for?
too late to turn away
or,... be at peace, and
Remain in GREY,...

UNTITLED

Here I go again
torturing myself with the tired old story
Dreaming about an imaginary love
that will never be my reality
Dreaming about an imaginary touch
that I will never feel
And a face that looks at me
only in my mind
Here I go again
summoning up feelings
I have no right to call
Entertaining thoughts
I should not invite
Performing sceens
that will never be written
And killing the only thing I hold
the only claim I have
with these illegal fantasies
Murdering his friendship

PREOCCUPIED II
Wandering over hopeless moors of desire
endless grounds of fear
screaming for attention
love and intimacy
cpatured in a dark cold prison of doubt
constant movements
without progression
leave apathy
running towards a shadow of an ideal
blurred by a fog of emotions
blinded by the bright light of reality
Starign at that liar called hope
with blindness of love
foccused at the bright colours
colours of desire only
Dizzy of hope, ideals, doubt and desire
I lie here in the grass
Snowed under and desiring again, doubting again
Hoping for my ideals in an endless circle it flies
Through the dark sky
From which the snow jumps me

CRASH COURSE LOVE

hello what's your name I would tell you mine but I think I lost it ont he way home from my shrink who thought I wanted to be my dog and smash my mothers roses that bloom only once a year or twice when it rains a lot like today which is such a sad and lonely day because my dog is dead and burried under the old treehouse that I used to play in when I was a child-like freak who owned fifteen hand grenades that are as dangerous as wild drooling beast that is so unaware of global warming and all that shit that no one cares about except you and me the birds and trees and the rest of nature as a matter of fact but what is fact except for the fact that we talk for hours about nothing at all or nothing in particular as long as its you that you convey to me your eyes your soul your mind your lips that are the same lips that i would love to kiss to caress damn
you've made me such a mess but what am I trying to say here maybe nothing at all just that I don't want to fall
so quickly into that abyssal of love of yours that's like two burning churning worlds in a crash course with each other

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